smack-my-bitch-up.sh
- sends a text message 'late at work' to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.kumar-asshole.sh
- scans the inbox for emails from 'Kumar' (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like 'help', 'trouble', 'sorry' etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply 'no worries mate, be careful next time'.hangover.sh
- another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like 'not feeling well/gonna work from home' etc. Adds a random 'reason' from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.fucking-coffee.sh
- this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew
. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.gem install dotenv twilio-ruby gmail
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